MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA – Search parties have been on the lookout for a bright, glowing orb that appears to move throughout the sky during regular daytime hours; it was last seen hovering above Minnesota earlier in the month. Concerned area news outlets even released flyers in pursuit of more information. (Source: Fox 9 Facebook)

Known by acquaintances as “the sun”, local sources say it made a rare return to the region on Friday. Thousands of bleary-eyed Minnesotans wandered their way out of their office cubicles to get a closer look before squinting in disbelief and returning indoors for another cup of lukewarm coffee. Bernie Dahlin, of Edina, said its appearance caught him off guard. “I was getting kind of used to the clouds,” he recalls, “but once that heat kicked in, it made me do a double take.” **

So now that it’s here, what do you plan to do with this summer-like sun? We recommend, as always, stopping by your friendly neighborhood retailer and grabbing some Double Take Salsa. Close your eyes, situate yourself near a sunny-side window, and dream of warmer days. Whatever you do, do not share with friends or curious neighbors. Winter, as they say, is coming, and those insulating pounds aren’t going to pack themselves on.  

** Not a real quote. It is, however, our tagline.